Regularly Scheduled Post

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I have nothing earth-shattering to share. I just agreed to post regularly because one of my good friends has been heckling me.

I've been seeing a massage therapist recently because my back is jacked up. I'm pretty sure that's the correct medical terminology. It's really not that I have a spinal problem so much as I have a problem with the muscles that are supposed to support my spine. The get all out of whack and pull my bones out of place.

A couple of weeks ago I was having a real problem with the left side of my rib cage. I couldn't figure out what I had done, but it hurt. This weekend I realized I was having the exact same issue. It occurred to me after I mopped the floor.

Mopped, y'all.

I am so out of shape that mopping my floors causes my body to behave like I've participated in some type of full-contact sport. That made me feel old.

I also discovered not too long ago that I am no longer able to "drop it like it is hot," as it were. Or more accurately, I can drop it, I just can't pick it back up.

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That is a line to signify that a transition is happening now. I just have no way to string this post together. Now you know.

We saw Zero Dark Thirty last weekend. I was not a fan and neither was Jarred. I like a movie with dialogue. Not jargon, dialogue. This movie lacked it. I do not think it's artistic to show me seventeen scenes where Jessica Chastain is eating a sandwich/Twizzlers/another sandwich alone and no words are spoken aloud. I get it. She's REALLY focused on her goal of finding Bin Laden. So much so that she has no life. Spoiler alert: She finds him. Plus the movie was so long. Unnecessarily long. Please someone, make it shorter.

We also saw Silver Linings Playbook, which I loved. Movies that make me smile from the closing credits all the way to the car are my favorite. This one did that for me. It has rich dialogue and great acting. I ate Swedish Fish. Everyone wins.

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Do you know the shame of waiting in line to purchase a LOT of things at IKEA, getting it all scanned and put back in your cart, and realizing that you do not have an acceptable form of payment?

I do because it happened to me last week. But my amazing friend Denise came to my rescue. I was an hour away from home, thus my wallet was an hour away from me. She lives in Denver and dropped everything to help me. Friends like that are worth it all.

Sidenote: Does anyone know how to assemble an Isala sideboard from IKEA?

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Read any good books lately?

I am trying to make my way through The Casual Vacancy but I am really struggling. I have put it down three or four times in favor of some really fluffy and lighthearted stuff.

I did read Heaven is for Real the other night in about two hours. I found it very compelling but I am a bit of a skeptic at heart. It was a quick and thought-provoking read. 

I also read When in Doubt, Add Butter. It was such a quick, fun read. I read it in about five hours because I couldn't put it down. This was mostly because I had predicted the ending within the first 40 pages and wanted to prove myself right. Although it was predictable, I still enjoyed it. 

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Nerd Alert and Some Reflection

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I have spent the last few minutes looking over old calendars and blog posts and I have to say I am a huge nerd. Seriously, some of my posts from the past should be filed under "Stop It."

I sincerely apologize to anyone who read those.

I like to look back at old calendars. It's one of my weirdnesses. Blogger is now informing me that weirdnesses is not a word. I know, Blogger. Leave me be.

As I look back on things I've done over the last several years, I'm reminded of the Robert Frost quote circulating the webosphere. The one where he allegedly says "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on."

It truly does. I look back and laugh at the amazing times that I had forgotten about so quickly. And the hard times are there too but I have forgotten most of those just as quickly as the good days.

It's a great reminder. To always cherish the good memories. To keep trudging through even when it seems the bad ones will never fade. They will, just as they all do, and life will go on.

2012 was a difficult year for me. One that I will never forget. One where there is little blog documentation because there was little levity. It seemed that way to me anyway, but as I sit here looking back I see that there were all the makings of a wonderful year. I just couldn't see the forest for the trees.

I can't say I will look back on 2012 with fondness, but I will try to remember the joys just as quickly as I call the sorrows to mind.  

As I look forward into 2013 I want to commit to making each day count. Or something that sounds so much less cheesy. What I mean is that I don't want to get through this day only by looking forward to the next. I want to call the blessings of each day to mind with ease and regularity. Because blessings? I have so many of them and I spent 2012 forgetting to acknowledge them.

May it never be so again.  

That Time I Broke a Rib

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I apologize to those who've already read this story on Facebook. I wanted to document it on my blog, though, for when I write my book: Calamity Micah.

Two things you should know:

1) Both of my driver's side windows were malfunctioning on the day this story took place. Both were taped up with a complicated grid involving duct tape as well as packaging tape.

2) One day before this incident, I decided to change out the batteries in my one and only keyless entry. The change was unsuccessful, leaving me to unlock my car old-school, with a key.

My story begins on a Monday morning. I had to give an early morning presentation to a small group of people. I was distracted as I exited my car, making sure I had my handouts and PowerPoint in order. It was here that things went all wrong. Although, the argument could be made that things went all wrong well before this incident. But in this instance, my mistake was locking my keys in my car. On the passenger seat.

After giving my presentation I dug distractedly through my purse, trying to find my keys. I realized, after digging for quite some time, that it might behoove me to peek through my car windows to see if, by some silly chance, my keys had been locked in my car. Spoiler alert: They had.

This did not dismay me, as you might think, though (see 1). It was simply a challenge. At least I would not have to call a locksmith. I could untape the window and easily reach my keys. They were only 8 inches beyond my grasp, after all. Now, you may be wondering why I wouldn't have just hit the unlock button now that the window was down. My mistaken rationale was that if I did that, the alarm would go off forever and I wouldn't have a way to stop it (see 2). Turns out you just have to lock it back with the key, then unlock it again with the key and the alarm will stop. We'll file that under: Information I wish I had known a mere 24 hours before I actually learned it.

Mistaken rationale aside, I quickly realized that nothing in my purse was long enough to bridge the small gap between my hand and the keys, so I changed my tactics.

I decided I could just launch the upper portion of my body through the window. My thought was that I could continue to shimmy through, once balanced by my hips on the window. Basic gravity and all that. Newton. You know. The problem here is two-fold: A) I'm fairly tall B) the jump had to be arced to get my head through the window. So, I tried a stooped leap through the window.

You've likely figured out by now that this maneuver was unsuccessful, to say the least. I somehow snagged the right half of my rib cage on the door and broke a rib. Not only that, but my window was lost into the oblivion of the driver's side door.

I'm sure you're thinking of the myriad ways I could have retrieved my keys without breaking a rib. I certainly have. I've spent a good portion of the last 10 days reflecting on how these unlikely outcomes seem to happen to me quite regularly. Is it self-fulfilling? Is there some kind of lesson here? How can I avoid these situations?

I think the moral of the story here is that I should start doing the exact opposite of whatever my gut and instincts tell me. I think things would be much safer that way.

Confessional Friday

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I'm linking up with A Blonde Ambition today for some confessions.

Today, I would like to confess to you all that...

I barely got my tail end out of bed this morning and made it to work at approximately 9:00. Jarred's alarm woke me up at 6am, which caused a raging headache, which is still not gone. So I went back to sleep.

I don't like Pumpkin Spice Lattes. There. I said it.

No matter how hard I try, my hair never looks like the tutorial I try to follow from Pinterest.

There are literally seven loads of clean laundry on our guest bed right now.

I thought about driving back to Starbucks this morning after they forgot to put any flavoring in my caramel macchiato. I didn't order espresso with milk, barista. Instead I decided to let it go, as you can see, wherein "letting it go" is writing about it on my blog.

I bought wide calf boots because apparently I have wide calves now. They still took some coaxing. I am embarrassed.

I am not embarrassed enough to go to the gym. What will it take?

Two, that's two, of my car windows have fallen into the door. I taped them up. I cannot go through a drive-thru without extreme humiliation. This may, might, could help with my wide calves.

This coffee is undrinkable.

Our 1st Anniversary

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Jarred and I celebrated our first anniversary on September 23. We originally planned to go to LA for a Disneyland/Galaxy game extravaganza but Jarred's new job doesn't really give him any time off. Instead, we decided to head up to Denver to relax in a luxury hotel.

We stayed at The Brown Palace. We had a lovely street-view room and it was cozy and inviting. So cozy that I fell asleep at around 9:30. I was really tired from all the Dave and Buster-ing that we did earlier in the day. Beating your husband repeatedly at giant Connect Four gets exhausting.

That evening, before I fell asleep at an embarrassingly early hour, we ate a The Palace Arms restaurant in the hotel. It was touted as the best restaurant in Denver. I'd like to have a frank conversation with the persons responsible for said touting. While the company was beyond compare, the meal left something to be desired. I just don't find table side Caesar salad that impressive. No, I don't want to watch you grind up the anchovies that will comprise my Caesar dressing. I try to forget the fact that there are anchovies in Caesar dressing to begin with. Also, telling me that "it's so much fresher this way" does not sway my opinion on the matter. I have no problem with you making fresh dressing for my salad. I just prefer that you do it in the kitchen where my eyes don't have to SEE you mix a raw egg and some tiny fishes together for me to eat.

Now, don't get me wrong, I get upscale dining, I do. So when I ordered my southern-inspired scallops, I knew that the black-eyed peas, okra, dirty rice, and buttermilk fried sweetbreads that were listed on the menu would not be served in a heaping pile of side items like I'm used to  presented traditionally. I did not, however, expect that there would be a sum total of three, THREE, black-eyed peas on my plate along with six grains of rice. Now, raise your hand if you know what "buttermilk fried sweetbreads" are? If your hand is up, you are miles ahead of me. I assumed it was some beignet-type biscuit but there was a little niggle in my brain that said "haven't you seen this on Top Chef before?" Sweetbreads are the thymus gland of calves (and occasionally lambs). Imagine my surprise. Let's begin with the obvious: What in the name of food is a thymus gland and why would you batter it, fry it up, and name it after a delicious carb-based food?

It is the throat of a calf. Consider me educated.

Pretending to eat that four star food is the most stressed-out I have been or likely will ever be. Painful is what it was. And poor Jarred's certified Kobe beef "medium" steak looked like it had been tossed on a grill for six seconds before being slopped on his plate. But at least it wasn't an animal throat.

I'll say this, our first anniversary dinner made a lasting memory for both of us. It also reminded us that we are a little less Palace Arms and a little more Cracker Barrel and that's okay with me.

What Was I Saying?

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I think I was talking about how excited I was for football season. Cut to the last two weeks and that excitement has, shall we say, fizzled.

My poor Hogs. I am trying to find the balance between grieving unmet expectations and being a die-hard fan. It seems there is a war within the Razorback nation. On one side you have what I'm calling The Faithful. The Faithful seem to believe that it is utterly treacherous to lament over a loss; any loss. They have committed to see the season through, no matter what happens, and are apparently thrilled to get kicked in the teeth each week. On the other side you have The Enforcers. Those who want heads to roll with each and every loss because they had much higher expectations. It's an age-old war for Razorback fans, to be sure. I fall somewhere in the middle, trying to take a balanced approach to being a Hog fan. However, as my husband and friends will tell you, my behavior during the games is less than rational.

I can't excuse these losses like The Faithful when we're trying to run out the clock and our second string QB calls for the ball with 21 seconds left on the play clock. TWENTY-ONE. That ONE play could have been a difference maker in the ULM game. I can't accept that an entire offensive staff would choose to pass the ball all.three.downs. when clock management could have won that game. I won't accept winnable losses with a smile and that appears to be the difference between me and The Faithful. But I also won't call for firings and lynchings like The Enforcers.

I am a Hog fan through and through. Have they left me crying softly into my pillow for the last two weeks? Yes, because I want the Hogs to win. And I think I can have it both ways. Someday. And isn't someday what keeps us all cheering at the next game...and through the off-season...and the next season? It is for me. So I will be upset about our losses while continuing to have perpetual hope that someday we will win. I can be on both sides of the fence. Mostly because I don't think there should be a fence at all.

A Craft!

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Well, I think it's been established that I'm terrible at blogging regularly. Further, it has also been established that I'm a terrible photographer. I stopped by to tell you about another Pinterest project I completed and unfortunately, only have the below photo to show for it. 

Blurry.

I assure you this looked better in person. So did all of the other tables and decorations that I don't even have blurry pictures of.

Oh, well. I completed several crafts for the birthday party I hosted for my friend, Ashley, a couple of weeks ago. The most difficult was the "Happy Birthday" banner. But those paper-pinwheel-fan-things run a close second.

I noticed on Pinterest how "easy" these banners were to make and thought it would add a fun little pop to my food table. As best I can tell, the crafting world is full of bald-faced liars. Literally nothing about making that banner was easy. Unless you count how many times I burned my fingers or cut myself with card stock. Those parts were easy.

That's really I had to say. Don't be fooled into thinking that those banners are easy. They are not.

Is This Becoming a Crafting Blog?

Pin It Now! I made another thing. It's a wreath. A wreath that everyone else on the planet has made. I've had the materials sitting on my dining room table for a month. I put my wreath hanger on the door a month ago in anticipation of the finished craft.

The blue didn't really come out well, despite my stellar iPhone camera skillz. It's more of a cerulean than a royal blue but not quite a teal. Picture that.

Don't let the picture fool you, though. That wreath hanger is comically short. The wreath is hanging approximately six inches from the top of the door. It really looks silly.

Anyway, this is not a tutorial, but I will tell you what I used.

• A Styrofoam wreath. Probably 10 inches, but don't quote me.
• 1 yard of burlap cut into 4in.x4in. squares (and I use those measurements extremely loosely).
• Three 8in. felt circles (probably)
• Straight pins with large heads. 

Basically I folded the burlap corner to corner, made a poofy thing, and pinned it into the Styrofoam. Repeat ad nauseam.

I used this website for the flower tutorial. 

There you have it. I might just start a craft booth at your local county fair to hawk my wares (hawk: to sell on the street; hock: referring to pawn shop sales; I did a lot of research on which term I should use and settled on hawk).

Tomorrow I have a story for you about a real hawk. If you know how terrified I am of birds, you know you're in for a doozie of a story.

Move Over, Martha!

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I finally completed a craft I can bear to show you pictures of. Last week I wandered into JoAnn Fabric to try to find a third fabric that would rectify my last attempt at crafting. Let me tell you something. The only JoAnn I had ever been in was the Fort Smith, Arkansas version behind the Sweet Bay Coffee Co. on Rogers. Wait, was that a JoAnn? Google maps is saying no. So perhaps I've never been to a JoAnn. Either way the Colorado Springs store is essentially a warehouse of all things crafty. Bigger than Hobby Lobby, even! Quick aside: If you are going to sell large things in your craft warehouse, you should have a check out counter larger than one square millimeter. Why, craft giants, why? Also, Hobby Lobby: Bar codes. I'm just sayin'...

Anyway, back to my foray into the Whole New Crafting World of JoAnn Fabric.

I was thrilled by the enormous size of the store and all of their offerings because even though I can't "sew" or "paint" or "make pretty things," I like to pretend I can. There's a weird energy I get when I see things that can be made and believe that I, myself, am the one who can make them. Possibilities! Blind optimism! No matter that I obviously lack the talent and skill needed to complete this project!

Pinterest has done nothing to cure this delusional behavior.

I strolled around that store for hours salivating at all of the wonderful prospects it held. I could make curtains with all of these beautiful fabrics. I could construct a coffee table made from these milk crates. I could cover ALL of our walls with this chalkboard paint; we could WRITE ON THEM!

Things were getting out of hand. I had to take a step back and make a cost-benefit analysis of having chalkboard walls. My pragmatic nature took over and talked me down from the ledge. Perhaps I could just choose something small, the crafting equivalent of a baby step.

Oh, look. Here are some natural wood letters, I thought. I could spell our last name. I could paint them to match our living room. That might be nice.

So that's what I did. I present to you the natural wood letters of my last name* painted to match our living room:

Natural wood letters: Jo Ann Fabrics 

Paints: Martha Stewart Crafts 

Stencil: Martha Stewart Adhesive Stencils 2 Sheets/Pk-Fair Isle Dots

I used TWO paint colors. Two! I painted AND stenciled these letters! I hung them on the wall in semi-straight fashion! Who knows where I'll go from here. I might try to make a wreath! Or a bulletin board! Or maybe I will just paint our walls that chalkboard color...the possibilities are endless.

*To any Internet Creepers lurking out there: That's not really my last name. It's just a random assortment of letters. Don't try to find me.

Undiscovered Springs

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Jarred and I decided to visit some new places around Colorado Springs on Memorial Day. We thought we would just jump in the car and stop when the spirit moved us. It was such a fun day of trying new restaurants and hang out spots.

Our first stop was The Drive-In, a hamburger stand at the north end of Weber Street.The Drive-In is an adorable throwback with outdoor seating and amazing food. We had trouble choosing from their classic drive-in menu, but I settled on a corndog, fries, and a chocolate milkshake; Jarred chose a chilidog and hamburger with fries. I see us spending many summer nights here eating our way through their various fried offerings.

As we were eating, we noticed that we were sitting behind a large, unfamiliar shopping center. So after gorging ourselves, we got in the car and made our way east to check it out. We then discovered a coffee shop that looked intriguing, so we stopped in.

STIR is the newest coffee shop in town, opening a mere three weeks ago. In addition to coffee and tea drinks, they serve homemade pies and pastries. We were slightly intimidated by the obviously-cooler-than-us owner who stared at us with wide eyes and answered in a soft, ethereal voice as we asked questions about her products.

We enjoyed our refreshments and made our way to the next stop, but not before meeting Stewart, the owner's British boyfriend, and his new corgi puppy, Elizabeth. We meet some seriously interesting people on our outings.

The final stop was a local brewery. We had a coupon for two free pints and I knew they would have a nice apple cider. Free fruity drinks definitely top my list of favorites. I didn't get a very good picture of the brewery and I know you're thinking you didn't get a very good picture of ANYTHING. But trust me, it was worse than the sub-par photos I've already made you endure. I'll paint you a picture: It was basically a large metal warehouse with a few bar stools. I can't say we were very impressed. Especially because the drinks seemed like watered down juice. The owner was kind, though, and provided us with some good entertainment. We also met a young man who had just qualified for the Olympics in Greco-Roman wrestling. We will certainly be watching for him in the Games now.

All in all we had a very enjoyable day. We had some hits and some misses but will always treasure the memories of our adventurous Memorial Day 2012.