Dear Self,

You have some things to do before you get on a plane to LA tonight for the Labor Day Disneyland Anniversary Extravaganza. Those things do not include sitting at your desk and writing a blog post for no reason. Yet, here you sit. Inexplicable.

 

Self, just write your monthly report. Just do it. And while we're on the topic of doing things that should be done: hangers. There is no reason that you should be traveling around with approximately 1,600 empty hangers in the back of your car. What's that? You don't like driving down the back alley to the trash can because a mouse ran over your toes last time you were out there? That's understandable, but sometimes you just have to suck it up and do what needs to be done.

 

It seems like the decade you've had to transition into adulthood would have provided ample opportunity for you to transform yourself into a productive member of society, but you seem to be regressing.

 

Let's think about the things that you do that indicate you're an adult:

Arrive to work on time and motivate yourself to do productive-type work stuff? Nope.

Pack for a trip a minimum of one day in advance? Also not true.

Eat a well-balanced diet that consists of fruits, vegetables, and things you have prepared outside of a microwave? False.

Shower every day? Let's skip this one. Just like you skipped your shower this morning.

 

Let's think about the things you do that indicate you might be a 32 year-old adolescent:

Eat Twinkies and/or ice cream every night, sometimes serving as dinner? Check.

Check Facebook incessantly despite needing to do real, actual work? Guilty.

Read books limited to teenage vampire, werewolf, supernatural creature subject matter? Indeed.

 

Based on the evidence presented, it would seem that you are a child trapped in the body of a 30-something. You need to correct this, stat. It's time to do the things that need to be done, no matter how unpleasant or challenging they may be. It's time to write that monthly report. Now. Seriously, now.