I Had Planned Never to Move Again

Moving, right? I mean it's just the worst. Unless you happen to be one of those people who likes organizing and packing and blergh. Don't get me wrong, I like order. I like when things are organized. It's the getting the things organized I don't like. I'm probably not alone since there are people who are able to make a career out of helping people like me organize their stuff.

I want to be organized but I get really distracted when I try to make things happen. For example last night I had a free hour and I knew what boxes I wanted to conquer first. Instead of using that hour to pack our bookshelves, however, I became singularly focused on the task of vacuuming on, under, and in our couches. Clearly that's where you start when you're planning a big move.

I just don't understand myself sometimes. When I have a large task to do, I instead get right down to the minutia and finish tiny, underwhelming tasks. At the end of the day, I don't feel like I've accomplished anything because none of my boxes are packed.

I have so many thoughts buzzing around in my brain that it becomes difficult to complete anything. I flit from one chore to the next before finishing the original task. It is frustrating and increases my anxiety.

The truth, dear readers of the Internet, is that I am a procrastinator and I'm lazy. It is astounding how much I do not want to do the stuff that needs to be done. I'm also an introspective person, so I have gotten right down to the reasons I procrastinate. The problem with introspection is that, although it may give one some insight into the causes of one's issues, it won't provide the solution to said issues. So I sit and think about how I am a procrastinator and how I got to be that way while all the boxes remain unfilled and untaped, staring at me accusingly.

It's disheartening to feel that I don't like the skin I've fit myself into; to have this constant battle between who I want to be and who I really am. I could get lost in the weeds talking about that topic, so we'll just move along. Boy, moving really seems to be bringing out the contemplative side of my personality. Which, if you think about it (and obviously I do), is just another form of procrastination.

It's cyclical and I'm afraid I'm going to have to hire someone to pack our stuff because of my sheer inability to make peace with myself.

Moving really is terrible. Perhaps for me it's not just terrible because of the boxes I need to pack, but even more so because of the boxes I need to unpack.

Now that's philosophical.