Opinions, I Haz Them
Hey Party People!! That greeting is especially for Whitney, because I know how much she loves it.
Let's be honest. It's been a rough year for this little blog here. I just feel like I don't have much to say about things. So, I'll try to keep it brief-ish as opposed to ramble-y-ish which, as we all know, is my typical writing style.
I have opinions about many-a-thing, it's just that when I have time to sit down and write them all out, I come up blank. I think they call that "writer's block." You might have heard of it and, as such, could have sussed out my particular blogging problem with little-to-no explanation from me. And yet I gave you a two paragraph account.
Here are some opinions I have in the form of an open letter to those things which I have opinions about:
1) New phone system at work-- While I enjoy your sleek look and caller i.d. feature, I do not enjoy the phantom voicemails that I receive each and every morning of the work week. It is simply not a good use of my time to have to trudge to the empty cubicle next to me, dial my extension, wait three rings, listen to my lousy outgoing message, leave myself a voicemail consisting mostly of throat-clearing because it's ridiculous to leave yourself a voicemail, trudge back to my cubicle, log in, and erase the message so that your phantom voicemail disappears.
Also: Your cord is too short for a left-handed, and therefore left-eared, person. And before you ask, no I can't move you to the left side of my computer. The cord is too short.
2) Starbucks-- If your rude drive-thru attendant is going to ask me to "please have my payment ready when I arrive at the window," then I'm going to have to ask that you "please have my coffee ready when I arrive at the window." Although, in my case, I don't think I should have to ask. Since you're the one providing the service that I'm paying for. Thanks. I liked things much better when my office was in close proximity to a Dutch Brothers and all I had to do was listen to the attendants sing and chirp about how much they appreciated my business and existence. Well, it certainly seemed like they were celebrating my existence, anyway.
3) Fingernails-- It is my wish that you would start growing and stop splitting. I have not chewed you in approximately three weeks, which might be a record for me. I have also been taking vitamins and feel that I am providing a nurturing environment in which you can thrive. So please start thriving. Because it is becoming increasingly embarrassing to try to explain to my nail technicians why I chose to ditch their lovely acrylic nails in lieu of the beautiful disaster I now have going on with my natural nails.
4) Food Network-- Nice move on choosing The Pioneer Woman for her own show. I can't wait for it to start.
5) Jarred-- I have some bad news about the DVR. You're going to need to clear some room for The Pioneer Woman's new cooking show.
6) Say Yes to the Dress, Big Bliss-- Would it have been so difficult to just feature a slightly chunkier bride every now and then, rather than creating a whole separate show about big girls looking for wedding dresses? It seems slightly insensitive. You've apparently been airing this since October, but I just discovered it.
7) Jarred-- I have some bad news about the DVR. There's another wedding dress show we need to add.
8) Rental homes in Colorado Springs-- Is it too much to ask that you provide adequate living space at a reasonable price in an area of town where I can expect to walk safely from my car to my door? Apparently it is, because we're batting .000 on this one.
9) Wedding nightmares-- If you could calm it on down, that would be great. You had particular flare last night when I realized mid-dream that it was September 23, 2011 and yet had apparently stopped the planning process on April 18, 2011. While I did appreciate that my subconscious used my ideal weight for the big day, it did not make up for the momentary panic that interrupted my sleep.
Yeah, nine opinions. Because that's how I roll. Uneven, but composite.
Let's be honest. It's been a rough year for this little blog here. I just feel like I don't have much to say about things. So, I'll try to keep it brief-ish as opposed to ramble-y-ish which, as we all know, is my typical writing style.
I have opinions about many-a-thing, it's just that when I have time to sit down and write them all out, I come up blank. I think they call that "writer's block." You might have heard of it and, as such, could have sussed out my particular blogging problem with little-to-no explanation from me. And yet I gave you a two paragraph account.
Here are some opinions I have in the form of an open letter to those things which I have opinions about:
1) New phone system at work-- While I enjoy your sleek look and caller i.d. feature, I do not enjoy the phantom voicemails that I receive each and every morning of the work week. It is simply not a good use of my time to have to trudge to the empty cubicle next to me, dial my extension, wait three rings, listen to my lousy outgoing message, leave myself a voicemail consisting mostly of throat-clearing because it's ridiculous to leave yourself a voicemail, trudge back to my cubicle, log in, and erase the message so that your phantom voicemail disappears.
Also: Your cord is too short for a left-handed, and therefore left-eared, person. And before you ask, no I can't move you to the left side of my computer. The cord is too short.
2) Starbucks-- If your rude drive-thru attendant is going to ask me to "please have my payment ready when I arrive at the window," then I'm going to have to ask that you "please have my coffee ready when I arrive at the window." Although, in my case, I don't think I should have to ask. Since you're the one providing the service that I'm paying for. Thanks. I liked things much better when my office was in close proximity to a Dutch Brothers and all I had to do was listen to the attendants sing and chirp about how much they appreciated my business and existence. Well, it certainly seemed like they were celebrating my existence, anyway.
3) Fingernails-- It is my wish that you would start growing and stop splitting. I have not chewed you in approximately three weeks, which might be a record for me. I have also been taking vitamins and feel that I am providing a nurturing environment in which you can thrive. So please start thriving. Because it is becoming increasingly embarrassing to try to explain to my nail technicians why I chose to ditch their lovely acrylic nails in lieu of the beautiful disaster I now have going on with my natural nails.
4) Food Network-- Nice move on choosing The Pioneer Woman for her own show. I can't wait for it to start.
5) Jarred-- I have some bad news about the DVR. You're going to need to clear some room for The Pioneer Woman's new cooking show.
6) Say Yes to the Dress, Big Bliss-- Would it have been so difficult to just feature a slightly chunkier bride every now and then, rather than creating a whole separate show about big girls looking for wedding dresses? It seems slightly insensitive. You've apparently been airing this since October, but I just discovered it.
7) Jarred-- I have some bad news about the DVR. There's another wedding dress show we need to add.
8) Rental homes in Colorado Springs-- Is it too much to ask that you provide adequate living space at a reasonable price in an area of town where I can expect to walk safely from my car to my door? Apparently it is, because we're batting .000 on this one.
9) Wedding nightmares-- If you could calm it on down, that would be great. You had particular flare last night when I realized mid-dream that it was September 23, 2011 and yet had apparently stopped the planning process on April 18, 2011. While I did appreciate that my subconscious used my ideal weight for the big day, it did not make up for the momentary panic that interrupted my sleep.
Yeah, nine opinions. Because that's how I roll. Uneven, but composite.
Totally cracked me up, and yes, I read it just like I say it (in a nice sing songy voice)! Hey Party People!
ReplyDelete