That Time I Broke a Rib

I apologize to those who've already read this story on Facebook. I wanted to document it on my blog, though, for when I write my book: Calamity Micah.

Two things you should know:

1) Both of my driver's side windows were malfunctioning on the day this story took place. Both were taped up with a complicated grid involving duct tape as well as packaging tape.

2) One day before this incident, I decided to change out the batteries in my one and only keyless entry. The change was unsuccessful, leaving me to unlock my car old-school, with a key.

My story begins on a Monday morning. I had to give an early morning presentation to a small group of people. I was distracted as I exited my car, making sure I had my handouts and PowerPoint in order. It was here that things went all wrong. Although, the argument could be made that things went all wrong well before this incident. But in this instance, my mistake was locking my keys in my car. On the passenger seat.

After giving my presentation I dug distractedly through my purse, trying to find my keys. I realized, after digging for quite some time, that it might behoove me to peek through my car windows to see if, by some silly chance, my keys had been locked in my car. Spoiler alert: They had.

This did not dismay me, as you might think, though (see 1). It was simply a challenge. At least I would not have to call a locksmith. I could untape the window and easily reach my keys. They were only 8 inches beyond my grasp, after all. Now, you may be wondering why I wouldn't have just hit the unlock button now that the window was down. My mistaken rationale was that if I did that, the alarm would go off forever and I wouldn't have a way to stop it (see 2). Turns out you just have to lock it back with the key, then unlock it again with the key and the alarm will stop. We'll file that under: Information I wish I had known a mere 24 hours before I actually learned it.

Mistaken rationale aside, I quickly realized that nothing in my purse was long enough to bridge the small gap between my hand and the keys, so I changed my tactics.

I decided I could just launch the upper portion of my body through the window. My thought was that I could continue to shimmy through, once balanced by my hips on the window. Basic gravity and all that. Newton. You know. The problem here is two-fold: A) I'm fairly tall B) the jump had to be arced to get my head through the window. So, I tried a stooped leap through the window.

You've likely figured out by now that this maneuver was unsuccessful, to say the least. I somehow snagged the right half of my rib cage on the door and broke a rib. Not only that, but my window was lost into the oblivion of the driver's side door.

I'm sure you're thinking of the myriad ways I could have retrieved my keys without breaking a rib. I certainly have. I've spent a good portion of the last 10 days reflecting on how these unlikely outcomes seem to happen to me quite regularly. Is it self-fulfilling? Is there some kind of lesson here? How can I avoid these situations?

I think the moral of the story here is that I should start doing the exact opposite of whatever my gut and instincts tell me. I think things would be much safer that way.