Weekend Update
Observations made while standing in line at the post office for multitudinous hours on a Saturday morning to mail your rent check via certified mail to your landlord who lives across town where you could just drive it over to his home were you so inclined:
1) Why are there seventy people in line at the post office on a Saturday morning in February at 10:27 am? Did Obama move tax day up by a month and a half and I missed it? Maybe I should have listened to that speech he gave the other night…
2) Is that postal worker’s Gollum-like hair a) wet or b) greasy?
a. If it’s wet, why hasn’t it dried in the eighty-five plus minutes I’ve been standing in line?
b. If it’s greasy, how did she get a federal job?
3) I regret wearing these yoga pants. If I had known so many people were going to be standing behind me in full view of my yoga pant-wearing rear, I would have worn something a bit less clingy.
4) What on earth is that smell? Is that fish oil leaking from that package? No wonder they’re so diligent about making sure you’re not sending liquids…
5) Okay, I want to get out of here, but the guy behind me sounds like he needs to make an important appointment. I’ll offer to let him go in front of me.
“Sir, it sounds like you have somewhere important that you need to be. Do you want to go in front of me?”
“Nah, that’s okay. It’s just a plasma appointment. I’ve got a big needle waiting on me.”
“Oh.” Sidle away from the man behind you and arrange never to go to the post office again. Ever.
But you know what made up for all of my tribulations at the USPS???
This…
And this...
Oh, and there was this...
My friend, Alecia, and I decided to get tickets to Rascal Flatts last minute on Saturday. We had seen them in July, so we weren't sure if we wanted to shell out the cash to see them again. Alecia was a rock star and found AMAZING tickets on the FIFTH ROW stage right for HALF PRICE. It was a great show and as you can see, Joe Don and I got up close and personal! I was a bit disappointed in the lack of shimmer his outfit displayed...nor did he sport a vest, but his wallet was chained to his back pocket, so that made up for some of his other wardrobe-related transgressions.
Then, this happened...
Yes, that is John Elway. And yes, Joe Don is giving him a "good game." How great is that?
1) Why are there seventy people in line at the post office on a Saturday morning in February at 10:27 am? Did Obama move tax day up by a month and a half and I missed it? Maybe I should have listened to that speech he gave the other night…
2) Is that postal worker’s Gollum-like hair a) wet or b) greasy?
a. If it’s wet, why hasn’t it dried in the eighty-five plus minutes I’ve been standing in line?
b. If it’s greasy, how did she get a federal job?
3) I regret wearing these yoga pants. If I had known so many people were going to be standing behind me in full view of my yoga pant-wearing rear, I would have worn something a bit less clingy.
4) What on earth is that smell? Is that fish oil leaking from that package? No wonder they’re so diligent about making sure you’re not sending liquids…
5) Okay, I want to get out of here, but the guy behind me sounds like he needs to make an important appointment. I’ll offer to let him go in front of me.
“Sir, it sounds like you have somewhere important that you need to be. Do you want to go in front of me?”
“Nah, that’s okay. It’s just a plasma appointment. I’ve got a big needle waiting on me.”
“Oh.” Sidle away from the man behind you and arrange never to go to the post office again. Ever.
But you know what made up for all of my tribulations at the USPS???
This…
And this...
Oh, and there was this...
My friend, Alecia, and I decided to get tickets to Rascal Flatts last minute on Saturday. We had seen them in July, so we weren't sure if we wanted to shell out the cash to see them again. Alecia was a rock star and found AMAZING tickets on the FIFTH ROW stage right for HALF PRICE. It was a great show and as you can see, Joe Don and I got up close and personal! I was a bit disappointed in the lack of shimmer his outfit displayed...nor did he sport a vest, but his wallet was chained to his back pocket, so that made up for some of his other wardrobe-related transgressions.Then, this happened...
Yes, that is John Elway. And yes, Joe Don is giving him a "good game." How great is that? 
ahahah! The yoga pants kill me.
ReplyDeleteI cannot express my jealousy that you were that close to my hero and oldest crush. Yes, crush. I'm a little obsessive.
ReplyDeleteDonating Plasma isn't important?!?!?!
ReplyDeleteYou are funny... your post made me laugh!
ReplyDelete