Back in the Saddle

You cannot possibly imagine how many times I’ve wanted to blog in the past week. Honestly, though, I had absolutely nothing to blog about. I kept thinking surely there’s something I could tell people about my life that would be funny or inspiring or make them feel like their lives are significantly better than mine. Best I can tell, my spiritual gift is the ability to make people feel better about their own lives in an “I’m so glad I’m not that girl” sort of way. Sweet relief for the masses.

Anyhow, me and God have been going round and round about a couple of things, which left me without any energy to think of something interesting to post. Because when you wrestle with The Almighty, you walk away sluggish…if you walk away at all, that is. See, He’s been trying to show me how selfish I am and I’ve been trying to ignore the fact that He’s been trying to show me how selfish I am. It’s not easy, I’ll tell you.

Over the last several years, I’ve vacillated between bitterness at my current state of singleness and just being a big ole’ baby about it. I’ve been fully aware that my selfishness has been epic. I just haven’t been ready to let it go. But I’m getting there.

My pastor, Al Pittman, preached about “Peace in Troubled Times” yesterday. You can listen to it here. His message was poignant and very moving. What moved me more, though, was how time and time again the Lord shows me that He cares about the seemingly insignificant details of my life; of all of our lives.

Pastor Al spoke of a verse in Joel. It’s a verse I’ve tried to locate many times, rather unsuccessfully. Joel 2:25a says “I will restore to you the years the locusts have eaten.” The wasted years. The years of bitterness. I know all about the years the locusts have eaten. I have approximately four of them. They were wasted because of my sin and stubbornness. Despite this, God-in His great mercy-has promised to heal the damage that I’ve done. He will patch up that which I, in my frail humanity, have torn apart.

I needed that promise. I needed that verse at that time to help me move past my resentment and into the great light. I needed to hear and know that there is much, much more to this life than my petty problems. But I also needed to hear that no matter how trivial my trials may be, He cares. He just doesn’t want me to wallow in self-pity. He wants me to live in victory. To let Him trade beauty for ashes. Turn my sorrow into dancing. My mourning into joy. I'm just glad He sent the message my way at a time when my ears and, more importantly, my heart were ready to receive it.

If that doesn’t get you going, I don’t know what will. Maybe a picture from my childhood:

If you know me, you know why that’s funny!